The Needle and the Damage Done.

Earlier tonight, I had begun the process of brainstorming through random ideas floating throughout my spacey head, and came to understand something that I had never really realized until tonight.

Some people show their respect and appreciation for someone by being there for them when they need someone, and saying exactly the right thing at exactly the right time to cheer these people up. I don't think it's a secret that this is not one of my strong points. For whatever reason, I am not an emotional person when it comes to relating to others. I am a very logical and clear-headed thinker, especially when I am in a hard place.

I guess more than anything this is just a rant of frustration.

I sometimes wish I could be the one that everyone came to for advice, but it's just not something I am good at. I show my respect and appreciation for people by making them feel as comfortable as I possibly can when I am around them. This includes a variety of different actions on my part. What I'm really just tired of is people not reciprocating my appreciation.

The pinnacle of this realization is that I've come to find out that you can't force anyone to appreciate you. You may do whatever you're capable of doing to try and gain their appreciation, but until they choose to appreciate you. It may be that they already do appreciate you, and can't/won't show it, but it's just a bit upsetting when it seems like nothing you ever do for anyone is good enough, to the point where it pushes you over the edge and you can't take it anymore.

I once had severe anger issues, and other the years these have become less and less detrimental to my personal growth, but I still find myself in fits of frustration when I feel I'm being disrespected, unappreciated, unwanted, and like I'm the only one who is trying....

But,

What can you do?
What can I do?

Maybe I am too focused on myself, my goals, hopes, and dreams. Maybe my idea that everyone can set aside their issues and enjoy life along side me is far fetched and naive.

I don't know anymore.

There was a time in my life where I was sure where I'd be in five years, and those days are gone. I think it's mostly for the best; it has allowed my anger to take a back seat and allowed me to life my life one day at a time.

But I cannot let go...

Hunted By A Freak

I'm back. I don't even remember the last time I wrote. January, I believe. Why don't we recap what has gone down in the past two months.

I got the internship I was referring to in my last blog entry. The job is heaven. I get to sit at my own desk, in front of a computer, listening to Thomas Newman and Cult of Luna on my iPod, while getting paid to program. While this may sound boring to many, you must realize that I've been doing this for years and NOT getting paid for it, so I'm moving up in the world. I also submitted my resignation notice at Best Buy. It's crazy to think that I've been working there for four years. I was 17 then. That was two girlfriends ago. It was the first time I had long hair. It was before I knew what I was going to do with my life... It's flown by. My departure from Best Buy will be bittersweet. I will not, in any way, shape, or form, miss the stress that is working retail. I will, however, miss being able to work with a lot of friends I have made in the past four years. It's a shame the company doesn't take better care of their employees or I would definitely consider keeping myself employed there. Regardless... Good Riddence, Retail. Go fuck yourself.

bull dyke rodeo has taken off. We've play 3 shows in the past two weeks and have 2 more coming up in the next two weeks. All this at the same time that Werner decides that he may be leaving the band to pursue more serious musical endeavors in Chicago. I'm not sure what will come of bdr after his departure, but I wish him the best. Regardless, I'll be playing music, and I've got another project in the works as of right now with Bryce and Cory Rennison, of Dubuque. We're looking towards writing some more slow, sludgey, melodic post-rock. I'm excited to find the time to begin writing the songs.

More and more lately I've been thinking about graduation. I will graduate in about 14 months. What comes next? I have a pretty good feeling about the internship I'm currently at. I'm hoping I can at least stay there while I figure everything else out. I think I'm going to work there until next summer, save some money, apply to a ton of random jobs in random locations and just follow whatever one pops up first. I'm really looking forward to being totally independant for the first time in my life. I will be supporting myself without the help of my parents. I will have my own place to live where I can do whatever I want. It's not like I don't have these things now, but this is a milestone I've had set for myself for years, and it's going to come true in about a year. That is unless, of course, I get annihiliated by a drunk driver on a Saturday night. "Hey, It could happen" -Black Kid from Angel's in the Outfield.

I have really bad posture. I'm going to start working out soon so that I may regain the flexibility in my back and prevent further back pain from conquering my life.

I've been really getting accustomed to drinking beer lately. When I had tried it as a teenager, I thought it tasted like complete ass, but lately I have been enjoying its taste. I still limit myself to one or two over the course of the entire night, but I really have begun to enjoy its much different taste. Call me crazy. I guess I'm one of the last to jump on this bandwagon, seeing as how it took me until I was 4 months into my 21st year on this Earth before I began drinking. At least I'm not an alcoholic.

My overall quality of life has improved over the past year or so, I think. I've conquered a number of personal obstacles and I believe that I am now a much better person than I was last year. Still driving myself as hard as I can, but I'm now taking more time to try and enjoy life and I think it's working.

I'll leave you with these random thoughts:
I love hot sauce.
I got caught downloading Slumdog Millionaire by the MPAA last week.
I have really hard heels.
I bought two new guitar pedals this week.
I don't know when (or if) the new bdr album will ever see the light of day.

The Artifact and Living

Sometimes when I'm feeling unproductive, I try and force myself to do something. I've been writing music ever since I got home tonight, and I've, all of a sudden, got this urge to blog. So here goes...

The last month or two have gone by VERY quick, now that I look back upon them. It seems like this Winter is running at full speed. The days seem so short. The last couple weeks of school for this past semester had been hectic, but I survived, and managed to obtain a 3.18 GPA for the semester, which I'm pleased with. Since school has been out, my days have been consumed by music, work, and WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2009 (great game, BTW.)

This winter isn't the only time period that has been going by faster than I can believe. It's been all of 2008. It's been the past two and a half years since I began college. Time flies... 2008. What a year. Another story for another time.

I've come to realize that I'm really not one to live in the past, or even live for today; I live for what tomorrow may bring. I'm a goal setter. I keep my hopes and expectations very high for myself, and that I've realized this year that my "overachieving" nature is a huge characteristic of mine and how I view a lot of different things. I guess it's the fear of failure that keeps me on my toes and drives me to succeed. I can't help it, really. I need to be doing something productive (rather, something I view as being productive) or I get really irritated, agitated, and unpleasant. I'm working on changing this, but it's so hard. I've thought long and hard about how I've become this way, and have yet to come to a real solid conclusion. It's not like my parents weren't willing to fail, or let me fail. I guess the achievement of a goal just feeds my ego; it makes me feel like I've won... and who doesn't like to win?

It's just a character flaw. We've all got one. Our job is to learn to deal with it well enough so that it doesn't ruin our lives. Easy enough, I suppose.

I've been becoming a lot more open minded about people lately. I've been trying to be more sociable and interact more. I'm still working on the fine art of bullshitting. Maybe someday I'll get to that stage. Many of my friends are great at it; I'm not.

I've got an interview with a software company here in Dubuque coming up this week. It's an internship, and I'm really hoping I can get the position. I could really used the job experience, and it would be the hand reaching into the bottomless pit of retail and saving my sanity before it's too late. I've even cut my hair and will be shaving my beard so that I can maximize on this opportunity. Getting the job would help to bring me to the final stage of my college career. I can't wait to graduate.

But after graduation, what happens? Will I make it to Colorado with Courtney? Will I fulfill my old wish of heading to Seattle? Will I settle here in the midwest so that my mother will be able to babysit her grandchildren? For the first time ever, I can't decide what I want to do. Of course, I will be pursuing computer-related work until the end of time, but where? I suppose whatever opportunity shows its face first...

American Beauty

...and then life throws me for another loop...

Life is funny that way. One day things are great... the next changes everything. With every day, I find myself disconnecting from just about everyone and everything I know. It's not so much depression as it is a desire to just stand alone, be able to manage life effectively with minimal chance of getting tangled up with emotions. If you'd had the year that I've had, you'd know by now that your emotions will take hold of your throat and do its best to suffocate you, leaving you with nothing. This may be the darker side of emotion, but it's the side I know all too well...

This year, I've had problems with caring too much, and problems with not caring enough. I guess I view the balance of these is focusing all of my care on myself. This causes even more problems for those who don't think I care enough.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore, really. This is unlike anything I've felt before, really. Normally what I feel at these points in life is just an overpowering depression, but this time it just feels empty. Like there is nothing. Not even the feeling of despair. Just... existence.

I've made mistakes, plenty of them this year. I'm still sorting everything out, I think. It's been a long year, that's for sure. Despite it all, I'm still just looking forward to May 2010 (see: Graduation), above all else. Maybe that's my biggest problem... I put too much emphasis on myself, and ensuring that I'm ok, that I forget about the people and things that really do matter.

I simply just don't know, anymore. I don't know anything. It seems that my life is just... a book. I've gone through a number of chapters, and it's culminated to this...

What can I do?

I really wish that music could be described in words. The song 'American Beauty' by Thomas Newman just seems to make everything in life so clear... so easily understood... so calm...

blah.

Coil

This too shall pass...

I've heard these words from two separate people in the past week, and I'm beginning to believe what they said. It certainly has been a week to remember. Some crucial decisions were made, and the cards are falling as they wish. I'm trying to play said cards the best I can, and I think I've handled it decently. I've all but lost two friends over the past week, which is unfortunate. I wish people understood what I was thinking, why my actions of the past week and half or so have been so out of character, but at this point in time, it's really not something I can explain using words. I hope to be able to explain this better at a later date, but until then, a select few and I are the only ones who have been able to understand.

For the first time in years, I am afraid of what the future brings. I'm second guessing what I want to do with my life, and for the past month or two, have been secretly desiring to live a simple life. I want a job where I can go home at the end of the day and not have to worry about what I left at work. I haven't felt that feeling in 3 years, and if I stay on my (current) chosen career path, I'll be looking forward to it for the rest of my life. I've finished two years toward my degree, I am half done. I can finish in two more years. The money is great. The job placement rate is high. I just don't know if it's what I want anymore. Lately it seems like I'd much rather work as a musician, or quit Computers and become something interesting, like a Chef.

Or maybe I'll just bitch out... make a lot of money, and try to buy happiness the rest of my life. We'll see what happens.

Struggle

3:23am, Tuesday July 8th, 2008. I'm not really sure why I decided to write this, I guess I've just got a lot racing through my head, and feel the need to write it down. Things have changed. A lot of things have changed. I'm not going to post these things publicly, and if you wish to know what's going on, you can ask me personally and if I trust you, I will share.

Lately (meaning the last month or so...) I've been getting feelings that I should quit school and focus on my music and audio production while working some shit full-time job. I've not had the urge to work on any programming lately, and I think that's why I'm getting these feelings. I would like to finish school, so that I can at least have some sort of decent job when I finally hit the real world. I guess I've just seen a couple friends get out on their own and just feel like I need some independence and struggle in my life to help me understand what life is about and kind of bring me off my high horse that I ride as a person.

I've been writing music lately. Since the demise of my first two bands, I have been in a severe writer's block for music, but this is seeming to subside as of late, and I'm really happy with some of the stuff I've got in the works. The band has a couple shows lined up, which I am really looking forward to. We'll be finally playing an All-Ages show in Dubuque for the first time in a year. It will go over well, hopefully.

I feel like I've got nothing to look forward to this summer. Last year I took the trip to Omaha with Kaylena, but this year I've got nothing. I'm hopefully heading to Chicago for the Wicker Park Fest in a couple weeks to see Isis, but we'll see if those plans actually happen.

Despite having drank a medium coffee beverage tonight, the caffeine is not affecting me tonight. Lately I've not been sleeping much, and have been getting through the days fairly well, while trying to make the most of every hour I'm awake.

My days are happy, but some of my nights I have felt empty and alone, like I've got no true friends in life. It's a really unfortunate feeling, but there isn't much I can do about it right now.

For the first time in my life, it feels like I've taken a backseat to myself, and have been letting my heart do the driving. I haven't thought a lot of things out very well and it's an interesting change of pace, watching the pieces fall into place without intervening with what my head is thinking.

To sum up this post... I am tired, I am in that tiredly-depressed state. I'm hoping it will all be better tomorrow, like it has been the past.

Lifeline

I'm here. But I'm not. Lately I've been feeling like I don't know who I am, who I'm around, where I'm at. I feel disconnected and I sometimes forget who I am.

It gets scary sometimes...

School's out, and I'm depressed... such is life...

Loss

I'm back. After a 7 month hiatus (almost as long as the band's hiatus), I am renewing this blog. I'm just really bored right now. Today is the last full day of classes of the semester, and I'm really looking forward to school being out. It's been 365 days (counting leap day) since I began this blog. Crazy. The past 7 months of my life have panned out as follows:

September through December (1st Semester) was filled with school and work, per usual. The band (http://www.myspace.com/bulldykerodeo) endured some trouble and eventually went on indefinite hiatus. School went well, decent GPA, met some people, you know, the usual shit.

December through today (2nd Semester) has been going great. My grades are great, I'm looking at possibly making Dean's List. Lot's of schoolwork. COBOL is a joke language, by the way, and my Software Engineering project took away over 50 hours of April from my existance. I'm kicking Calc II's ass, and Speech is easy. Deutsch ist auch gut.

I began playing with a new band with Loney, Bryce, and Tyler, which is tentatively named "The Escape Sequence". It's more post-rocky than BDR's stoner post-doom, and I dig it, though the last couple weeks I've been so busy with school work that I haven't had time to play much.

I'm presenting my SE project today, in about an Hour. That should go over well, hopefully. I've got 3 finals next week, all of which should be easy enough. I failed at scoring an internship for the summer, because I waited too long to apply, but hopefully will score one next year. Until then, I'm stuck at Best Buy.

I've been reading a lot lately. I've been trying to improve my life by eliminating the stress and anger in it, and it's been working splendidly. I've, as always, been reading a bunch of technical documentation, and am in the process of conceiving an idea for a Summer software development project. Haven't finalized anything, but am working on it.

Alright, that's all I've got now. I'm going to try and update this more, but it's not like anyone reads this shit.

--Cody

When I die...

Can somebody please make sure that the song "Brooks Was Here" by Thomas Newman is played at my funeral... because it's pretty much the greatest musical achievement in the history of life...

Listen to it here.


That is all

-Cody

The Moon is Down

Lately, I've been getting this weird feeling, that I used to get when I was a kid. At any given time, I will kind of just... drop out of reality and I'll get this feeling that I don't know where I am (but I can tell myself "Hey, you are at ______," and I feel like I don't know who I am with, though I can also tell myself "that person is ______." It doesn't make a whole lot of sense when trying to describe it with words, and my parents thought I was nuts when I was a kid, and the feeling went away for about... 8 years...but I've been getting it lately... just thought I'd share...

-Cody

The Things We Fear Most

Today was an ordinary day. School, work, eventually I will sleep.

I've had something on my mind since about 5:15 today.

While walking out to my car to go to work, I noticed a neighbor of mine, Cameron, enjoying the great whether. You see, Cameron is not like most of us. He has muscular dystrophy which has crippled him to the extent that he can't do much except talk and push the joystick to his electric wheelchair. Cameron and I were once great friends. Despite his obvious limitations, there were times when he and I would play video games together, or get together on Monday nights to watch wrestling. As we grew up, we drifted apart. I was a teenager, I was living the typical teenage life. Cameron and I had lost contact and eventually Cameron had to leave school because of his health.

Today was different, however. I saw Cameron cruising up the street, enjoying the weather, and I left my house just in time to see him. He drove right past me, not noticing me until I said "Hey Cameron." He turned his wheelchair around and returned the greeting. Cameron and I had gone probably the better half of five years without speaking. This is surprising, considering we live less than 100 feet from each other. But when one person is wheelchair bound and not able to be outside year round, and the other person is living the life, going to college, working... there isn't much time in between in which moments like this take place.

So I stood there and chatted with him. I noticed how frail he had become, though he seemed to be in pretty good spirits. I don't talk to him about his health, because if I were him, that'd be the last thing I'd want to talk about. After I told him about my life and how things were going, we parted ways... Sounds like a typical encounter between two reunited friends, but this was different.

On my drive to work, I just kept thinking about the encounter. I was overwhelmed with a feeling I can't describe. Take guilt, for not remaining friend with Cameron throughout our teen years, add some depression, and maybe even some happiness and mix it with every emotion you've ever felt... That's how I felt.

I can say that I am very glad that Cameron is alive. I am depressed because Cameron is the strongest person I've ever met, and deserved better. Throughout the years that he and I were friends, I never once heard him complain about his health. NOT ONCE. You want to meet someone who has never taken life for granted? If there exists such a person, Cameron is that person.

I guess the whole point of this blog is to address a few things. We all take life for granted. Every single one of us. We go, day by day, we have friends, we can walk, we can laugh, we can learn, we can drink ourselves into oblivion, we can smoke ourselves to death. People go out and risk their lives drinking and driving, having unprotected sex, committing suicide. These are careless acts. For every person who ends up paralyzed from drinking and driving, there is someone who can't help that they're paralyzed. For every person who gets AIDS from unprotected sex, there's someone out there who's dying of cancer, and there is nothing they could've done to stop it. For everyone who commits suicide, there is someone in a wheelchair watching their life fade away. For everyone who carelessly lives their life, there are those people out there who wish they even had that chance...

Some people don't have it as good as we do, and we just take it all for granted. People complain because they are fat, or ugly, or have nappy hair or a big nose. Yeah, well...what if you couldn't fucking walk? Walking is a basic task that not everyone has the privilege of doing. Now, I'm no exception. I complain about things too. I don't like being overweight, or having stupid looking hair. I don't like that I don't have all the money in the world, or that I'm paying for my own schooling on said lack of funds. People live life like there's no tomorrow, and I appreciate that. Maybe we'd be better off knowing that there most likely WILL be a tomorrow for us, and not for everyone. What if you knew you only had so much time left on this earth? I'd bet you'd have done things a whole lot differently...

I know I would have...

And so it begins...again...

So yeah. School started, again. It's school, to say the least. Basically my days consist of waking up at 6:45am, getting to school by 8am, sitting around in the student center until 10am and then having class until 3. From there, I do homework when I get home and go in to work most days at 5:30pm. Needless to say, I'm not really enjoying it. The weeks have been going by fast, which is good, I suppose, but I have little to no free time anymore. I'm always kind of tired and just want it to be over with. The band's progress has slowed to a crawl because of the lack of free time and that's crappy.

In unrelated news, Since my last post, the band has finally issued our first full-length album, entitled "Jailbreak." The entire album is available for download/streaming on our last.fm page (http://www.last.fm/music/Bull+Dyke+Rodeo) - if you're interested in picking up an official copy, please get ahold of me (via Facebook, email(cjsand@gmail.com), or AIM(marpstar)). All album purchases come with free stickers and other cool (read:none) shit.

So let's talk about school. This year I am taking:
1) Principles of Sociology
2) Elementary German
3) Calculus I
4) Programming in Visual Basic
5) Object Oriented Programming & Data Structures II

Basically that means:
1) Math takes up most of my time
2) Programming is a close second, but since I'm fairly driven to program, I tend to work on programs right away and get them finished, leaving me with a week of no programming.
3) I'm trying to learn a second language and it's not fun.
4) Sociology class probably won't benefit me a whole lot in my given field of study.

I can't wait until I'm done with school. I could've taken the easy route and just gotten some certificate from NICC and this would be my last semester, but I'm somewhat empowered by the fact that I'm attending a university, rather than a community college. That and I've never met someone from NICC's computer program that actually knew anything, but who knows what I could have done.

Kaylena and I are thinking about moving to Omaha once we're done with school. We visited Omaha over the summer and we totally loved the city. Plus it'd be a nice change of pace for both of us. Most people who graduate in this area stay in this area. I don't want to be one of those people who's stuck in Dubuque the rest of my life. I want to explore. I want to move around. I want to experience living in a city where there is actually something to do. I fell in love with Omaha's 'Old Market' - basically the downtown area filled with small shops and restaurants. The atmosphere was just there, and it was indescribable. Plus Kaylena loves the zoo, and the zoo is massive and is "awesome."

But, I suppose we'll see in about...4 years how things pan out. I, personally, can't wait.

New Fish

Argh. It's amazing how one can have a great day and end on such a sour note. I'd rather not go into details, but I'm depressed right now. I think I may be more angry than depressed, but it's all kind of slopped together right now. Angry, Frustration, Confusion, Depression. I'm listening to some more calming music trying to settle down and get over it, but I think I really just need to sleep it off.

Ah well, I suppose reflecting on what happened is irrelevant, as tomorrow is a brand new day.

Fork.

Vacation

Yeah. So I just got back from my vacation two days ago, and I'd like to recap what happened throughout my stay in Omaha.

Me and Kaylena depart Dubuque at about 10:00am on Tuesday 7/24. We stop at a gas station to get some snacks and ice and we hit the road. Five minutes later, I realize I forgot the ice, so we decide to stop at a gas station later in the day. The ride from Dubuque to Interstate 80 was pretty smooth. We ended up listening to some Dane Cook standup while driving, and eventually throw in Radiohead's 'The Bends,' which we listen to 4 times before the trip is over. We try to find a nice Chinese restaurant to eat at, but my GPS is fuckin' up, and we basically just get lost in Des Moines. So, we decide "fuck Des Moines" and we get back on the highway.

We eventually stop in West Des Moines to get gas, and spot a TGIFriday's across the road. We decide to eat there. Me and Kaylena both order a strawberry lemonade slushy, and surprisingly the slushies were free-refill. That's a fuckin' win. I order a mushroom & swiss burger, which is pretty much my new favorite burger. Kaylena orders some chicken dish, alfredo, something, I don't remember really. She said it was good. My burger was good, our waitress was great. It was a great start to our trip.

We finally arrive at our hotel, the Settle Inn in Council Bluffs, IA. First thing I notice is that our hotel is in the business district of Council Bluffs. Red Lobster, Golden Corral, Appleby's, and other great restaurants within walking distance...that's a score... We settle in at the hotel, watch some TV until dinner time.

We decide to eat at Red Lobster for dinner. I had the Ultimate Feast and Kaylena had Snow Crab. The Food was spectacular, as Red Lobster always is, and again, the service was great. I was getting pissed at our great service because it cost me a lot of money in tips, but it was worth it. After dinner, we head to the pool area and enjoy some hot tub and pool action. We go upstairs and watch TV until going to sleep.

We awake the next day, the Zoo day. We get ready, and head to the Zoo. I add another state to my "states I've visited" list as we cross into Nebraska. The Zoo is right next to the border, and was easy to find. We enter the Zoo and spend a couple hours enjoying the animals, get some nachos to eat, and finally go and see Deep Sea 3D at the IMAX theater within the Zoo. Great time had by both Kaylena and I.

After the Zoo, we head back to the hotel and eat turkey sandwhiches to hold us off until dinner. We hit the pool again and relax for awhile. We come back to the room and I use my laptop to find other cool shit to do in Omaha. I find the "Old Market" downtown area, which seems cool, so we decide to go.

At the Old Market, there were tons of shops, restaurants with patio seating. It's everything I'd want in a city, for real. We walk around, visit the hippy shop, where Kaylena buys a tanktop, and we visit Drastic Plastic, a record store which had some cool shit, such as Sunn and Boris shirts, and Homer's, a record store where I found gold in some Mogwai, Explosions in the Sky, Sigur Ros, and Zozobra CDs.

After shopping, we head to Famous Dave's BBQ in Old Market, where Kaylena and I attempt to devour the "feast for two." Needless to say, we failed, but the food was good. My stomach seemed to disagree, as I got a minor stomach ache, but got over it after taking some Tums.

We hit the pool, again, and just hang out for the rest of the night. We watched some of "Final Destination 3" which was horrible, and just reflected on how good our vacation was going. Little did I know, at the time, I was jinxing myself.

On Thursday, we pack our shit after enjoying a good continental breakfast at the hotel, and leave. We're about 15 minutes out of Council Bluffs when the unthinkable happens...

I'm cruising down the interstate at a modest 74MPH (normally I'd be going about 80, considering it's a 70MPH zone.) I'm following a semi in front of me, and I glance into my rear view mirror. Sure enough, there is a state patrol car behind me. I slow down a bit, but just as my foot rests on the break pedal, the cops lights begin to flash. Speechless, I just look over to Kaylena and said "uhh...I think we're being pulled over..."

The cop pulls us over and walks up to the car. He asks me for license, registration, and proof of insurance. I hand over the license and registration, but do not have proof of insurance. I'm not driving my car, but my mother's, and there is no proof of insurance to be found. The cop, surprisingly, did not seem to mind that I didn't. He asks me to get out of the car and walk back, and take a seat in the passenger seat of his patrol car. He questions Kaylena and returns to his car to question me. I get interrogated - "Where are you coming from? Where are you going? Do you have any drugs in the car? Any open alcohol containers? Any Marijuana? Meth? Cocaine? Heroin? Weapons? Large sums of cash?"

After answering his questions, he tells me that he pulled me over because I was speeding (74 in a 70, mind you) and because my mom's license plate holder was illegal (no idea...). He lets me off with a warning and I return to my car. Me and Kaylena get back on the road and head home. I can't help but laugh over the irony of the entire situation. A perfect vacation followed by a run-in with a state trooper. Would only happen to me...

I returned to work (and reality) on Friday...


The album is almost done. Only minor tweaking and artwork remain. We're setting up a record-release show sometime in August hopefully. I'll keep you posted.

Ceremony Ek Stasis

Originally intended to be posted on 7/15:

So yeah... I'm bored and all of my friends are working...except my computer of course. I thought I was going to have something useful to post on this blog, but I don't think I am.

I am, however, going to see Weedeater and Minsk tonight in Iowa City. Should be a good show.

The album is nearly completion. Two songs done, need to be mixed and mastered, a third is about 7/8 done, and the remaining two need guitar tracks. After this, we're going to have them mass produced and you're going to buy one.

Anyone got any money they wanna get rid of for a good cause? Let us know...

It's Been Awhile

So yeah...It has been a LONG while...

First and foremost, I'd like to tell you about how life has been. Most of my time lately has been focused on the band's album. We've finally got all of the drums tracked and 3/5 of the bass. "Scumbags..." has been completely tracked and I just need to make a few minor adjustments and it's ready to go, you can preview the track HERE. Other than that, the band has been taking it easy as far as touring goes, which is good, because I'd like to focus on the album only until it's finished.

I've been starting to get the studio organized. I just bought a new storage cabinet for all of my shit, and it's beginning to feel like a real studio. Our friends from Between The Eternities will be joining me in the studio soon, hopefully before summer is out.

Summer is finally beginning to feel like summer.

The real point of this blog (it's 4:20am...smoke up Johnny...) is that I am stuck awake because when I get into an organizing mood, there's really no stopping me. I'm not tired right now, but I have to be in the studio again at 11am. Oh well, life goes on, I suppose. It's not like I have to work tomorrow...

Speaking of work, I really wish I could get some more hours, but I have been enjoying the time off, I won't lie to you. Work is work, and I need the money.

Blah blah blah.

I went canoeing last week and it was good, minus sunburn and having to jump into the creek to get our canoe unstuck. The fireworks were good, I enjoyed myself. I must admit, I even enjoy the massive downpour immediately following the conclusion of the fireworks...things like that make life a bit more interesting.

I'm ready to go back to school, which I know sounds stupid to most of you, but I really want to get school over with, get my degree, secure a real job, let the money start flowing, and begin my life.

Who knows what life holds for me after I finish school. I've considered continuing school and getting a Master's degree, but who knows. I also considered studying abroad, but at this point in my life, I really don't feel like leaving the country for an extended period of time. I'll probably end up finishing school, moving to a bigger city (not Chicago big, but maybe Iowa City, Cedar Rapids, or Madison big) and getting a job as a software developer. Ah well, I've got about 3 years to worry about that...so I won't get into it now.

Life is swell over all, and to anyone who reads this, I wish you the same...

Until next time...

-Cody

Some good advice.

I have a bad ear infection right now. It's horrible. I thought that I would take the time I have right now (I'm waiting for my sleeping pills to kick in) to share some great advice I have learned, both in and out of reality.

1. Do not go swimming without earplugs.
2. Don't ever let anyone sign your checks (thanks Heavyweights).
3. Don't put twinkies on your pizza (thanks again, Heavyweights).

Fuck...I got nothing. I really just wanted a reason to post those Heavyweights quotes.

Please wish me luck with my illness.

-Cody

bulldyke tour '07

It's Monday. I am sore. I am tired. Overall, I feel like complete shit.

Saturday, I woke up at around 2:30 and lazed out for 2 hours until we had to meet at Pirhana's house before trekking up to La Crosse, WI to play. I had the van with me, so we loaded that bitch up, and went on our merry way. The drive isn't bad, Kurt and Werner accompanied me in the van, so general conversation made the trip seem shorter. We get to La Crosse, start loading in. I'm somewhat disappointed as there's only ~20 people in the whole bar. I get over it quickly. The band playing before us, Orwell, takes the stage. They're not horrible, but not anything I'd listen to in my free time. After Orwell finishes, they pack up, and all but one of their members are kicked out of the bar for being underage. Of course, 12/16 of the remaining people leave the bar. We take the stage and play for 4 people: two fat guys, one of the fat guys' girlfriend, and one of the guitarists from Orwell. The real story however is much more interesting. Pirhana, in his infinite wisdom, decides that it would be a GREAT idea to drink heavily before the show. Needless to say, he gets totally wasted and can barely function, let alone play his instrument. Pirhana ends up playing like shit, being a total jackass to EVERYONE, and to top it all off, gets punched in the face by Werner. All in all, the night was fun, we sold a tshirt, met some good people, and we rocked some covers with our newest fans.

Sunday, I woke up, and felt pretty decent despite coming home at 5am, unloading all of our shit, and still staying up until 6:30am before going to bed. I wake up at about...2pm and realize that me unloading the van was worthless because I could've used it again. I call my dad, get the van, and load everything myself. Go to the show, unload, the usual BS. Some guy, Orthus, and Reptar play. In the mean time, I go to A&W and eat a double cheeseburger, while feeling a heart attack coming. I go back, and Black Cobra is getting ready to take the stage...

HOLY SHIT.

Black Cobra totally destroys all. And when I say destroy, I mean they fuckin' ANNIHILATED. I buy a shirt and CD, and we take the stage. I knew that this show could not possibly go as bad as Saturday night's show. We open up with "Scumbags Meet the Judge on Monday Morning" -- I must remind everyone that we were playing for quite a few people, compared to the usual Busted Lift shows -- and we're fuckin' ON. The song goes great, and we're just beating bitches up. State of the Art Bang Bang is next, which also went very well. We play the rest of our set and it, for me at least, was probably the best show we've ever played. We played some Danzig with none other than Mr. Kolker, the creepy soundguy, and Kiss' "Cold Gin" and Dangerous Toys' "Teas'n Pleas'n." The crowd, of course, eats our covers up and it's a great time had by all.

Then I wake up today, and I feel like total dogshit. I'm better now, but overall, it was fuckin' worth it.

I went out today and dropped another $100+ on studio gear (mainly cables, mic clips, and other miscellaneous debris). The studio, I believe, is set to go. We're planning on beginning the recording process this Thursday, so hopefully Werner doesn't book us any more shows until it's done, so you fine folks can all buy the album at our next show.

I'm fuckin' done...
-Cody

Relief Sets In

So. Today was a decent day, you might say. I woke up at around noon, got a great night sleep thanks in part to Tylenol PM, the wonder-drug. As you may have heard, or may not have heard, or may not have even read my blogs or talked with me before, U.S. Cellular had expressed interest in my coming to work for them as a cell phone technician. I had mulled over my options for roughly two weeks. Yes, Best Buy is frustrating at times, and I had seriously considered leaving to pursue other endeavors, but ultimately, I decided that Best Buy has been too good to me over my two year stay for me to leave them.

Yes, U.S. Cellular was offering me more money, we're talking almost $2 more an hour. In the long run, I decided that an increase in pay was not enough for me to leave. My coworkers at Best Buy are my second family. So if you're my coworker, and you're reading this, I want to say thanks for being great coworkers.

In other news, the band is going "on tour" this weekend, so to speak. We're hitting LaCrosse on Saturday, and back to Dubuque on Sunday. If you're in the area, come to the Busted Lift on Sunday at about 5pm, get your drink on, and watch some great bands.

Phase I of zlobstudios is nearly complete. Waiting for the last pieces of gear and then bulldykerodeo will be hitting the studio next week. Our Tshirts are ready to go, stickers on the way. Overall, the band is moving forward at a decent pace, and the band still owes me $340.

I ain't got much else to add right now.

-Cody

Summer Arrives...

Tis been awhile since I posted. Since my last post, I have completed my last final and totally moved out of Platteville. Over the year, I learned quite a few things. I definitely grew up, and have a true understanding of what it means to live away from home. All in all, I'm glad I lived in the dorms, as it was a great experience, but you won't see me doing it again any time soon. I plan on living at home for both Fall 07 and Spring 08, and then after that, as long as everyone's finances allow it, I would like to get a place (whether it be an apartment or a house) for me and some friends, preferably within walking distance of school. But, that's the future, and I try not to worry about that.

More recently, I have been waiting for my grades to post on the internet. I know I passed my Java, Music Appreciation, Composition, and Leadership & Management classes, but my Trig class is another story. I went into the final with about a 75% or so, and I THINK I did at least that on the test, but time will tell.

I've been working less, making less money, yet investing more and more into zlobstudios. zlobstudios is my home recording studio that I am constantly expanding. The first recording at zlob will take place beginning the first week in June. This, of course, will be the bulldykerodeo recordings, on which I will be both producing, but also contributing some guitar playing. I plan on continuing the expansion of the studio to accommodate other local bands in hopes of recording without the cost of a professional level studio. I'm working on a website for it now, and will hopefully have it up sometime this year.

I've realized lately, that despite my free time, I don't really get much productive stuff done. I've decided today that I'm going to try and come up with a program idea and start work. I wish I knew just a LITTLE bit more about programming so I could work on some open source projects, but I'm not great at programming in anything but Java and VB.net as of right now. The time will come, I suppose.

Ah well. It's very dark outside and I'm looking forward to that coming storm. I love storms.

-Cody