The Things We Fear Most

Today was an ordinary day. School, work, eventually I will sleep.

I've had something on my mind since about 5:15 today.

While walking out to my car to go to work, I noticed a neighbor of mine, Cameron, enjoying the great whether. You see, Cameron is not like most of us. He has muscular dystrophy which has crippled him to the extent that he can't do much except talk and push the joystick to his electric wheelchair. Cameron and I were once great friends. Despite his obvious limitations, there were times when he and I would play video games together, or get together on Monday nights to watch wrestling. As we grew up, we drifted apart. I was a teenager, I was living the typical teenage life. Cameron and I had lost contact and eventually Cameron had to leave school because of his health.

Today was different, however. I saw Cameron cruising up the street, enjoying the weather, and I left my house just in time to see him. He drove right past me, not noticing me until I said "Hey Cameron." He turned his wheelchair around and returned the greeting. Cameron and I had gone probably the better half of five years without speaking. This is surprising, considering we live less than 100 feet from each other. But when one person is wheelchair bound and not able to be outside year round, and the other person is living the life, going to college, working... there isn't much time in between in which moments like this take place.

So I stood there and chatted with him. I noticed how frail he had become, though he seemed to be in pretty good spirits. I don't talk to him about his health, because if I were him, that'd be the last thing I'd want to talk about. After I told him about my life and how things were going, we parted ways... Sounds like a typical encounter between two reunited friends, but this was different.

On my drive to work, I just kept thinking about the encounter. I was overwhelmed with a feeling I can't describe. Take guilt, for not remaining friend with Cameron throughout our teen years, add some depression, and maybe even some happiness and mix it with every emotion you've ever felt... That's how I felt.

I can say that I am very glad that Cameron is alive. I am depressed because Cameron is the strongest person I've ever met, and deserved better. Throughout the years that he and I were friends, I never once heard him complain about his health. NOT ONCE. You want to meet someone who has never taken life for granted? If there exists such a person, Cameron is that person.

I guess the whole point of this blog is to address a few things. We all take life for granted. Every single one of us. We go, day by day, we have friends, we can walk, we can laugh, we can learn, we can drink ourselves into oblivion, we can smoke ourselves to death. People go out and risk their lives drinking and driving, having unprotected sex, committing suicide. These are careless acts. For every person who ends up paralyzed from drinking and driving, there is someone who can't help that they're paralyzed. For every person who gets AIDS from unprotected sex, there's someone out there who's dying of cancer, and there is nothing they could've done to stop it. For everyone who commits suicide, there is someone in a wheelchair watching their life fade away. For everyone who carelessly lives their life, there are those people out there who wish they even had that chance...

Some people don't have it as good as we do, and we just take it all for granted. People complain because they are fat, or ugly, or have nappy hair or a big nose. Yeah, well...what if you couldn't fucking walk? Walking is a basic task that not everyone has the privilege of doing. Now, I'm no exception. I complain about things too. I don't like being overweight, or having stupid looking hair. I don't like that I don't have all the money in the world, or that I'm paying for my own schooling on said lack of funds. People live life like there's no tomorrow, and I appreciate that. Maybe we'd be better off knowing that there most likely WILL be a tomorrow for us, and not for everyone. What if you knew you only had so much time left on this earth? I'd bet you'd have done things a whole lot differently...

I know I would have...