Hunted By A Freak

I'm back. I don't even remember the last time I wrote. January, I believe. Why don't we recap what has gone down in the past two months.

I got the internship I was referring to in my last blog entry. The job is heaven. I get to sit at my own desk, in front of a computer, listening to Thomas Newman and Cult of Luna on my iPod, while getting paid to program. While this may sound boring to many, you must realize that I've been doing this for years and NOT getting paid for it, so I'm moving up in the world. I also submitted my resignation notice at Best Buy. It's crazy to think that I've been working there for four years. I was 17 then. That was two girlfriends ago. It was the first time I had long hair. It was before I knew what I was going to do with my life... It's flown by. My departure from Best Buy will be bittersweet. I will not, in any way, shape, or form, miss the stress that is working retail. I will, however, miss being able to work with a lot of friends I have made in the past four years. It's a shame the company doesn't take better care of their employees or I would definitely consider keeping myself employed there. Regardless... Good Riddence, Retail. Go fuck yourself.

bull dyke rodeo has taken off. We've play 3 shows in the past two weeks and have 2 more coming up in the next two weeks. All this at the same time that Werner decides that he may be leaving the band to pursue more serious musical endeavors in Chicago. I'm not sure what will come of bdr after his departure, but I wish him the best. Regardless, I'll be playing music, and I've got another project in the works as of right now with Bryce and Cory Rennison, of Dubuque. We're looking towards writing some more slow, sludgey, melodic post-rock. I'm excited to find the time to begin writing the songs.

More and more lately I've been thinking about graduation. I will graduate in about 14 months. What comes next? I have a pretty good feeling about the internship I'm currently at. I'm hoping I can at least stay there while I figure everything else out. I think I'm going to work there until next summer, save some money, apply to a ton of random jobs in random locations and just follow whatever one pops up first. I'm really looking forward to being totally independant for the first time in my life. I will be supporting myself without the help of my parents. I will have my own place to live where I can do whatever I want. It's not like I don't have these things now, but this is a milestone I've had set for myself for years, and it's going to come true in about a year. That is unless, of course, I get annihiliated by a drunk driver on a Saturday night. "Hey, It could happen" -Black Kid from Angel's in the Outfield.

I have really bad posture. I'm going to start working out soon so that I may regain the flexibility in my back and prevent further back pain from conquering my life.

I've been really getting accustomed to drinking beer lately. When I had tried it as a teenager, I thought it tasted like complete ass, but lately I have been enjoying its taste. I still limit myself to one or two over the course of the entire night, but I really have begun to enjoy its much different taste. Call me crazy. I guess I'm one of the last to jump on this bandwagon, seeing as how it took me until I was 4 months into my 21st year on this Earth before I began drinking. At least I'm not an alcoholic.

My overall quality of life has improved over the past year or so, I think. I've conquered a number of personal obstacles and I believe that I am now a much better person than I was last year. Still driving myself as hard as I can, but I'm now taking more time to try and enjoy life and I think it's working.

I'll leave you with these random thoughts:
I love hot sauce.
I got caught downloading Slumdog Millionaire by the MPAA last week.
I have really hard heels.
I bought two new guitar pedals this week.
I don't know when (or if) the new bdr album will ever see the light of day.

Coil

This too shall pass...

I've heard these words from two separate people in the past week, and I'm beginning to believe what they said. It certainly has been a week to remember. Some crucial decisions were made, and the cards are falling as they wish. I'm trying to play said cards the best I can, and I think I've handled it decently. I've all but lost two friends over the past week, which is unfortunate. I wish people understood what I was thinking, why my actions of the past week and half or so have been so out of character, but at this point in time, it's really not something I can explain using words. I hope to be able to explain this better at a later date, but until then, a select few and I are the only ones who have been able to understand.

For the first time in years, I am afraid of what the future brings. I'm second guessing what I want to do with my life, and for the past month or two, have been secretly desiring to live a simple life. I want a job where I can go home at the end of the day and not have to worry about what I left at work. I haven't felt that feeling in 3 years, and if I stay on my (current) chosen career path, I'll be looking forward to it for the rest of my life. I've finished two years toward my degree, I am half done. I can finish in two more years. The money is great. The job placement rate is high. I just don't know if it's what I want anymore. Lately it seems like I'd much rather work as a musician, or quit Computers and become something interesting, like a Chef.

Or maybe I'll just bitch out... make a lot of money, and try to buy happiness the rest of my life. We'll see what happens.