The Artifact and Living

Sometimes when I'm feeling unproductive, I try and force myself to do something. I've been writing music ever since I got home tonight, and I've, all of a sudden, got this urge to blog. So here goes...

The last month or two have gone by VERY quick, now that I look back upon them. It seems like this Winter is running at full speed. The days seem so short. The last couple weeks of school for this past semester had been hectic, but I survived, and managed to obtain a 3.18 GPA for the semester, which I'm pleased with. Since school has been out, my days have been consumed by music, work, and WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2009 (great game, BTW.)

This winter isn't the only time period that has been going by faster than I can believe. It's been all of 2008. It's been the past two and a half years since I began college. Time flies... 2008. What a year. Another story for another time.

I've come to realize that I'm really not one to live in the past, or even live for today; I live for what tomorrow may bring. I'm a goal setter. I keep my hopes and expectations very high for myself, and that I've realized this year that my "overachieving" nature is a huge characteristic of mine and how I view a lot of different things. I guess it's the fear of failure that keeps me on my toes and drives me to succeed. I can't help it, really. I need to be doing something productive (rather, something I view as being productive) or I get really irritated, agitated, and unpleasant. I'm working on changing this, but it's so hard. I've thought long and hard about how I've become this way, and have yet to come to a real solid conclusion. It's not like my parents weren't willing to fail, or let me fail. I guess the achievement of a goal just feeds my ego; it makes me feel like I've won... and who doesn't like to win?

It's just a character flaw. We've all got one. Our job is to learn to deal with it well enough so that it doesn't ruin our lives. Easy enough, I suppose.

I've been becoming a lot more open minded about people lately. I've been trying to be more sociable and interact more. I'm still working on the fine art of bullshitting. Maybe someday I'll get to that stage. Many of my friends are great at it; I'm not.

I've got an interview with a software company here in Dubuque coming up this week. It's an internship, and I'm really hoping I can get the position. I could really used the job experience, and it would be the hand reaching into the bottomless pit of retail and saving my sanity before it's too late. I've even cut my hair and will be shaving my beard so that I can maximize on this opportunity. Getting the job would help to bring me to the final stage of my college career. I can't wait to graduate.

But after graduation, what happens? Will I make it to Colorado with Courtney? Will I fulfill my old wish of heading to Seattle? Will I settle here in the midwest so that my mother will be able to babysit her grandchildren? For the first time ever, I can't decide what I want to do. Of course, I will be pursuing computer-related work until the end of time, but where? I suppose whatever opportunity shows its face first...